I love T. Anthony’s. We all love T. Anthony’s. But everyone knows there is a strict code you must follow if you want to make it out of there unscathed. Here is a list of tips that will make your visit to the Comm Ave eatery as pleasant as possible:
1. Don’t stutter. Don’t mumble. And for the love of God, DON’T change your order halfway through. You WILL be subject to torment.
2. Only speak when spoken to. The staff ain’t into chit-chat. If you try to start up a conversation, you WILL receive death glares. (Note: chit-chat is acceptable ONLY if it’s related to Boston sports)
3. Don’t talk to the homeless guy. Sure, he seems friendly and endearing… but he won’t leave you alone. Not just that day, but forever.
4. Leave your garbage on the table. Someone will come around and clean it up for you. Don’t wander around like an idiot looking for a garbage can. There isn’t one.
5. Don’t go before a major BU sporting event (read: HOCKEY GAME) unless you want to wait in line with angry, sweaty sports fans and likely have your food stolen right out of your hands.
6. If there’s something wrong with your order, just let it go. It’s not worth it.
7. Don’t sit at/near a table of college kids late at night. Chances are, one of them is about to projectile vomit. On YOU.
8. Don’t order the pastrami sandwich. It’s just nasty.
9. If you placed a to-go order, don’t show up early to pick it up. The staff will make fun of you.
10. After your meal, be aware that you WILL suffer from gastric distress, and you WILL be full of regret.