Jerry Remy’s

Jerry Remy’s at the seaport is what every Boston sports bar wants to be when it grows up. It’s got waterfront views, tasty seafood AND pub food options, and last but not least… MASSIVE televisions for your ultimate Red Sox viewing experience. (Note: this Jerry Remy’s is a different location than the one in Fenway. That one’s not quite as spiffy.) Aside from the enormous TV’s, the restaurant’s interior reminded me of a fancy steakhouse. It’s definitely more upscale (and pricier) than your average sports bar, but its patrons are willing to pay–it seems attract a classier crowd than its competitors.

It’s not all upscale, though… I actually laughed out loud when I saw the scantily clad waitresses running around in their teenie-weenie baseball jerseys. Degrading… yet hilarious. But whatever, it’s a sports bar… I guess Jerry Remy’s target demographic is creepy men who have a tendency to hit on waitresses? I BLAME THE MEDIA!

I went with a friend last weekend after a trip to the Harpoon Brewery (the answer is yes, we were already drunk) and ended up deciding on a lobster roll (call it a lobstah roll, whatever) and a hot dog for my friend. We also ordered two hefty beers. The beers arrived not even a minute later. We were very excited.

Soon came the other food. Fries were tasty, and the lobster roll was enormous. I wasn’t able to snap a photo of the mammoth in its entirety… unfortunately it wasn’t quite as photogenic after I had taken a few bites out of it. I was, however, able to take this picture Nicole posing with her giant hot dog. You can thank the Harpoon Brewery for this one. (Sorry, Nicole!)

Mmm, giant!

Despite the fact that my waitresses’ butt-crack was swallowing her micro-mini shorts, I had a reasonably good time. 6/10 on the lobster roll. Not enough mayo. Gotta have my mayo!

Osaka

The first time I went to this place, I accidentally went on the night it opened. Like, without even realizing it. It’s gorgeous inside: dark stone walls, carved wooden dividers, huge ceilings and little water fountains… it almost looks like a spa! They even have a separate room for Hibachi (a chef puts on a show and prepares your meal right in front of you… they even pour sake into your mouth!), a full bar, and a dance floor in the basement. I was really taken aback! Still, I was worried it wouldn’t do well based on the lack of attendance on it’s first night in business.

Luckily, about a year or so later, the place is a huge hit and is always crowded. They (boastfully) have a picture displayed of Doc Rivers, the head coach of the Celtics, shaking hands with the owner. But hey, well deserved success, right?

I love this place, I do, but I wish they would stop changing their menu. It’s like… soon as I fall in love with a certain dish… it’s gone! This has happened with their beef tataki (raw beef with a creamy teriyaki sauce and enoki mushrooms), their rock shrimp, and their gyoza. My all time favorite menu item–truffle salmon belly– was TOTALLY BOTCHED last time I was in there. I ordered it to split with a few friends (who had never been to Osaka) after talking forever about how delicious it was. Everyone wanted to try it because I had been going on about it for months. When the salmon finally came, everyone dug in, and them immediately looked at me as though I had run over their dog with my car. It, quite literally, tasted like crap. (Ok maybe not literally. And no I’ve never eaten crap)

In the past, the dish had been a delicious, plump salmon belly with a smooth truffle flavor and a few hot peppers floating around in the sauce. The dish WE were served had limp salmon, SOUR sauce, and nasty pineapple chunks floating in it. AND THERE WASN’T EVEN ANY TRUFFLE OIL IN IT? EWWWWWWW.

It took awhile for the waitress to notice our distress, but she did eventually respond to our death stares.

“Did they change the recipe for the truffle salmon?”

“Y…Yes. They did.”

“WHY.”

She didn’t know why. I didn’t know why. No one could answer my question. WHY would anyone take something so beautiful and delicate and make it taste like sour pineapple garbage? WHY GOD WHY. I mean, truffle oil isn’t THAT expensive. Plus, that’s false advertising.

My friend and I decided to split a sushi roll instead. It was tasty, but nothing would ease my pain.

Despite the enormous, booze filled, flaming scorpion bowl I had all to myself (pictured below) I was extremely hurt. Everyone else had nice meals but I just couldn’t get over the “death” of one of my favorite appetizers.

even the enormous amount of alcohol couldn't distract me from my sadness: the truffle salmon would never be the same

I’m still in mourning, so I’m not quite ready to return. But I’d advise you to go: they have very competitive prices (especially on the bento boxes) and the food really is quite good. They recently added an enormous cocktail menu, also a plus.

Now I’m sad.

Deep Ellum

THIS POST IS LONG OVERDUE. Deep Ellum is not only one of my favorite eateries local to Boston… it’s one of my favorite eateries EVER. I’ve been there multiple times during every seasons (spring and summer are the best… outdoor seating!) to enjoy the large selection of drafts, delicious appetizers, and almost-too-good-to-be-true brunch selections. SO GOOD, PEOPLE.

For brunch enthusiasts like myself, this place is like… mecca. Brunch is served until 4pm every day of the week. SIGN ME UP! This leaves betches with the entire day to complain about how hungover you they while preparing their perfect brunching outfit.

Here is a list of things you can’t miss at this Allston eatery:

1. The bloody mary. They’re made with house made vodka AND house made mix. They even toss a spicy green bean in there… that’s my favorite part.

2. Gorgonzola fries. Picture it: crispy shoestring fries smothered in gorgonzola cheese and truffle oil. So dense, you have to eat it with a fork. Also it might give you a heart attack.

3. BBQ breakfast. Served in a skillet. It’s got a layer of cornbread, then BBQ pulled pork, then poached eggs, then mustard aioli. My single favorite breakfast of all time. Again… this might cause a heart attack.

4. Falafel. Pretty standard, but very well done. It’s served in a wrap with a tasty tzatziki sauce and pearl cous cous. Perfect for outdoor dining on a spring day. (Plus, it’s low cal!)

5. Deviled eggs. They’re pretty standard but they add liquid smoke to give the yolks a smoky flavor. They change daily to keep it exciting… I like the bacon ones. Served on a bed of greens (read: HEALTHY)

I recently dined here with a friend, who likely only joined me because I wouldn’t shut up about it. I’d say it went well…

Scampo at the Liberty Hotel

I finally made it to this place after months of anticipation and left confused/disappointed. My boyfriend got a gift card to Scampo for Christmas and I’d been dying to go ever since. I remember driving by the location when I was a kid (you know… back when it used to be a JAIL) and being exceptionally creeped out even though there weren’t any prisoners inside anymore. I was expecting the innards of the hotel to look entirely refurbished but they actually left a lot of its original jail-like components in place, which was neat. I digress…

I made a reservation earlier in the week via Opentable and specified my boyfriend’s nut allergy as I always do. He’s allergic to most things, actually, (OK maybe that’s an exaggeration) but I usually only specify peanuts in the online reservations. Didn’t think we’d have any issues at a place this nice. I WAS WRONG. IT WAS A DISASTER. Here is what happened in chronological order:

My boyfriend mentioned the allergy as soon as we sat down to order our food. No problem. We ordered fondue to split as an app–I got lobster pasta and he got lamb pizza for the main.

The fondue arrives COVERED IN NUTS. The waiter plops it on the table and walks away without picking up on the fact that we were both staring at the fondue mouths agape

I glare in the general direction of the kitchen door until I caught the eye of our waiter (approx 1 minute later) 

He arrives at the table. “Is everything ok?” 

“No. It’s covered in nuts.”

“Oh. Uhh… Let me take care of that”

Suddenly, the management appears with two Caprese salads. They were decent, but not enough to quell our anger. They apologized, but not profusely (enough).

The nut free fondue finally arrives. It’s reasonably tasty but we’re still mad. 

The main course arrives. Also reasonably tasty. I wonder out loud if the first half of our meal is going to get comped as a result of the kitchen screw-up.

The check comes. NOTHING is comped. Not even the random Caprese salads we DIDN’T ORDER that were brought to the table in order to distract us from the waiter’s stupidity.

HONESTLY, WHAT KIND OF CUSTOMER SERVICE IS THIS? You could have KILLED a patron and gotten SERIOUSLY sued… and your management doesn’t even have the decency to comp the meal that almost killed him. Tsk tsk. 

When I was through talking to the management, I got that s**t comped. Not the whole meal, just the apps… Fair is fair right?

Moral of the story: Don’t go to Scampo unless you’re trying to die.